You know the usual beginning of getting to know someone stage, when you ask questions, talk about likes/dislikes, that sort of thing?
Well, last week, I was in an e-mail conversation with a guy & somewhere in the exchange of e-mails, he asked me for my number and I refused, instead suggesting Yahoo Messenger and Skype, both of which were free.
He replied with “I wonder why some people are too scared to talk on the phone”. With a reply of entirely one paragraph musing about that, I deducted for myself that he was jumping to conclusions about me and he thought that was the case with me.
Now most people know me well enough to know that one of my pet peeves is when people jump to conclusions about me. In most cases, they don’t know me at all, they don’t have all the facts and it really pisses me off.
I sent one e-mail explaining that he’s wrong, and it’s not my fault for having a mood disorder and being on a limited income & I prefer ways to save money rather than spend it all, I can’t afford 2.5cents/minute to Montreal (where he lived) every fucking day (it all adds up), etc etc.
After I sent that e-mail, I thought about whether or not I really wanted to continue having a dialogue with this person. If jumping to conclusions is something that he immediately does, obviously that is not a good sign and he’s probably going to keep doing that in the future (yes, I’m jumping to my own conclusions but most human behaviour follows a pattern).
Obviously the next e-mail from me was, “Sorry, I gave you one chance and you just lost it”. Not to sound egotistical of course but, what’s the guarantee he won’t pull that crap again?
It is just too much to ask from some people. Instead of asking (why I preferred not to use the phone, in this case), they instead suspect that it might be something. Then, they go off on their own tangent and think “Oh yes! That must be it!” when they don’t even know me.
If he had asked me straight up, I would’ve answered. I guess I’m just assuming too much from some people.
I’ve had the same problem in the past with other people. I remember volunteering to burn something for a guy and he thought I was doing it for my own ulterior motives (to have sex with him).
I tried to tell him that he doesn’t know me, he has no right to make these assumptions (if I really wanted to screw someone I barely knew, he wouldn’t be “my type”) and apparently he didn’t get it. Why can’t some people just stop with their preconceived notions and just listen?