EDIT: I showed this post to a dear friend and he asks me, “Can I kill him?” Aww. If you had to ask what the true meaning of friendship is, that’s it right there.
Last week, I met someone (through one of those completely useless dating sites) who seemed to be interesting enough (basically he told me everything I wanted to hear – I’m articulate, well-rounded, etc, basically he flattered me – I should’ve remembered that “if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is”), we met in person and seemed to get on well, then I had to poke and prod him to e-mail me back.
When I do, I’m suddenly “not good enough”. So why did he spend an hour or two talking to me if I’m not good enough, hmm? Why didn’t he just leave?
What is the point of spending an hour or two with someone if they’re later going to give me their little uninformed critique on who they think I am and how they think I live based on a 1-2 hour meeting (there is absolutely no way you can get to know someone in one or two hours)?
I demand those 1-2 hours of my life back; I could’ve done something productive with them instead.
In his little “polite” (pfft) e-mail that I had to poke and prod him to send, he made this stupid comment (among other stupid comments): “I looked at your website and you don’t even give the world a chance”.
That’s completely untrue. I give enough people chances, they let me down. I let potential friends know that they have to earn my trust. That’s enough for most people. If it’s not enough for him, tough shit. I don’t lie about who I am and I don’t play games (it’s too bad a lot of people do).
I’m not a completely open person and I have my reasons, which to me are well-justified. I’m very open to my friends but not to someone I’ve just met. Give me a fucking break – I’m not going to tell you everything there is to know about Nathan when we just meet. Give your head a shake or something.
If I really didn’t give the world a chance, I wouldn’t have expressed an interest in talking to him and I wouldn’t have invited him over in the first place.
If I really didn’t give the world a chance, I wouldn’t have the friends that I have – I’d have NONE – so that whole line of thought is completely wrong. I just love people who pretend to know me based on a few snap judgments.
He also makes some comment about how my place isn’t clean. It’s clean alright (as I write this, I see a few specks of dirt over by the fridge and there’s some dirt under my desk – that’s the extent of it & I’ve just now cleaned that) but it’s messy – and it’s messy because I don’t know where to put things. I need more space.
I live in a room when I should be living in an apartment – I cram enough stuff (to fit into an apartment) into one room. I use two plastic storage bins (stacked on top of each other) as a dresser because I have nowhere to put them (and they serve their purpose well enough).
My desk is messy because I like having everything I could possibly use in one place (medication – sorted by frequency of use, remote controls, phones, headsets for phones, markers, notepaper, post-it notes, etc) without having to get up and search for things.
I have to have things in plain sight and know where they are at all times (it’s probably my only OCD-type obsession) – if I need something & I don’t know where it is, I freak out and start tearing the room apart.
There’s a place for everything – my wallet only goes in the left pocket, my keys only go in the right pocket, when I’m wearing a coat, only certain things go in certain pockets; everything on my desk is where it’s supposed to be and I expect nothing to move from where it is (unless it’s returned to the same spot it was found).
That’s probably one of the very few benefits of living by myself – there’s nobody else to mess with my stuff but me. I can navigate my room blindfolded if I had to – and that’s the way I like it; if I took off my glasses, I may as well be blindfolded anyway.
We can’t all be rich & well-off, you know. Some of us have to make do with what we have.
If we’re going to judge based on external appearances, fine, I can play that game too – when I met the guy at the front door, I took a look at him and thought that he was a self-important snob by the way he carried himself, but I thought again that maybe I shouldn’t be making those assumptions. “First impressions can tell a lot”, so they say (so who are “they” anyway and where can I find “them”?).
If you have an opinion about someone, just grow some balls and tell them. Be a man/woman and get to the point – whether it’s positive or negative.
But bear in mind that if you’re visiting someone, you’re there to visit them – not their house & not their room (and please leave your holier-than-thou atittude at the door; it’s not your place to critique how you think they should live – speaking for myself, I’m not exactly Martha Stewart, nor do I live in a vermin-infested pile of dirt for that matter; my place is a mess but it’s an ordered mess & I know where everything is).
You obviously took enough of an interest in who they are to want to visit. Base your opinions on who they are as a person, that’s the most important. Don’t put your foot in your mouth like this idiot did.
Besides that, if someone takes the time out of their day/night to meet you and talk with you, they’re obviously interested in you as a person so send them a followup e-mail promptly. It’s basic etiquette.
They want to know what you think about them, your conversation with them, how you think the visit went, etc because it’s important to them – and they shouldn’t have to poke and prod you to get it.
They want to hear from you either one of two things: a) you’re interested in them as a possible friend and they’re worth spending some more time with or b) you’re not interested for whatever reason.
They aren’t mind readers and they don’t know what you think unless you tell them. Ignoring someone is just plain rude whether you’re doing it intentionally or not. It sends the wrong message – that you’re an asshole who only cares about yourself and not others.
I ended up telling the guy to go screw himself – he deserved it.
Don’t get me wrong, I can accept criticism but not when it’s sugarcoated with bullshit. I’ve been bullshitted so much in the past that I can smell it a mile away. Don’t end your bullshit e-mail with “It was a pleasure to meet you”. If it was such a pleasure to meet me, you wouldn’t be making such judgements about me, now would you? Save yourself – and me – the trouble and just say what you think. If I can do it, so can you.
EDIT: If everyone would judge people (if they had to judge at all – and as human beings, it’s in our nature) fairly and judge them by their personalities, the world would be a much more fair place in which to live…but instead, we have guys like this dick here who ends up painting a pretty sad picture for (most of) the rest of the human race.
Instead of thinking “oh look at the mess this guy’s living in, look at his messy desk”, he could’ve looked a bit closer at the desk and noticed that there was indeed an order to my mess.
It shouldn’t take any observational skills whatsoever to notice this (things were sorted and grouped together in a specific order – either by need or function). The guy doesn’t just portray himself as a total jackass, he portrays himself as a total jackass with no observational skills whatsoever (which is much worse, I think).